no boston :(

I finally decided to cancel my flight to Boston. I kept holding out, hoping my hamstring would get better...but I just don't think I have enough time. The race is only two weeks away, and I am still not running...so no Boston in 2009. I have gone through a lot of ups and downs in the last few weeks and I am pretty bummed out about not racing, but I know it's the right choice. As of today, I have not done a run over twenty minutes in 15 days. Even if something miraculous happened and my hamstring suddenly felt 100%, I'd be really lacking in fitness and Boston really isn't a course that's "fun" if you're not super-fit. It's a tough course when you are fit, so doing it when you're not 100% would probably suck.

I am a little upset about not being able to race, but really the biggest struggle has been not being able to run right now. I can handle missing Boston. It's one race, one day. Having to change my every day routine is what is killing me. I have heard of runners experiencing a sort of depression during a taper or after a big race, and I haven't really felt that before. I guess the "taper" before San Antonio didn't feel like much of a taper physically, and I was so excited about the race that I never felt crazy or anything before the race. Then the week after the race was so crazy getting ready for my wedding, that I had no time to miss running. But now...wow...totally different story. I feel like I'm going crazy. For the last year or so, running has been the thing that has been a constant in my life and that I've built in as part of my routine. It's my stress reliever, my thinking time, my workout, the beginning to my day, my chance to hang out with friends or just get away from everything. Geezer made a comment in an e-mail to me, and he hit the nail on the head. He said not running is much harder than any work out Steve could put together. That's totally where I am at now. I'd rather do a soul-buster every weekend then sit on my butt and feel completely useless and feel like I've lost a sense of my identity. Ah!

I am going to try to settle in to another routine with cycling or swimming...but there's a reason I'm not into tri's :) I'm not bad at either, I just don't really like them. To get an equivalent of a Saturday long run I'd need to ride for like 6 hours...and I don't have that kind of desire. Maybe if it warms up I'll motivate myself to get in the pool...but we'll see. I am going to meet with Marc today to get some ideas on strengthening work I can do for my hamstring. Hopefully I can strengthen it and fix any imbalances I've developed so this isn't a problem in the future.

pluses: supportive family and friends

minuses: no running